Every year at Thanksgiving I try to think of three things that sum up my year’s blessings. I couldn’t sum it up this year. I tried, but in all of the joy and heartache I couldn’t figure out how.
To start – Going back years I always thought I had to chose – Friends, Family, Adopted, Biology. In my mind there was never room for both. There wasn’t time for everyone. I was selfish. I wanted it to be about me. Given, I was fifteen, but still I was locked down.
In time I learned what is obvious – Love makes room.
In February I doubled my family, We chose who we love – not just romantically. We lock out in laws, friends who’ve hurt us, family who disagrees with our decisions. Why? Because it might hurt. This year I gained an entire family and it has made me love and value my parents and sisters more. I realized loving more people does not make you weak or in pieces, it gives you more to pour out into those around you.
In July I found out I was pregnant – one more life so filled with love before we had even met. When I lost him, I was told by some I was just practicing for a real baby, that I couldn’t love a child I never met. My arms ache for my child. But successful parenting is guiding a child to heaven. I have not lost forever, just for now. Our little gift expanded our hearts again and left a gap.
Around the same time, I got a phone call from my brother who I never thought I would have a chance to know. Again my family grew and with it my heart.
This year is ending with hope, fullness, and an excess of love.
Our family is only limited by our choice to love.
I’m thankful for my husband, my child, and my brother and the family we have.