I have mentioned before that I have been withdrawing from the internet. I haven’t thought about blogging in months. I only use my laptop for school. I’m ready to grow up, maybe I already have grown up and I just haven’t realized it yet. I don’t need the writing anymore. My original purpose in writing this blog was to have an adventure – to encourage myself to look outside myself.
I started this blog a two years ago in order to encourage myself to get out of my comfort zone and live a little. Since then, I have worked in a Spanish speaking kitchen, quit all my jobs, gone to Indonesia for three months, became a missionary, came back and became a maid, live-in caregiver, farm hand, and personal chef. Then, a farm hand and a student. (Yes, a fragment – I got over my grammar fascism)
Here I am – the same person – grown up.
I’ve become brave, a taker of risks, and friend to people I never would have thought of years ago. I don’t need the security blanket this blog was for me to begin with. I worked through my life here, my goals, my hopes, my dreams, my faith.
Now, I’m working through those things with my best friends. I am learning about fellowship and depending on others and loving them, not just doing adventurous things, but investing myself in lives. It’s growing me emotionally, relationally, in ways I’m weak.
My laptop just isn’t where I need to be.
This may change someday, but until then I want to leave you with the most encouraging words from a hymn written in 1804:
Take, my soul, thy full salvation;
Rise o’er sin and fear and care;
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
What a Father’s smile is thine,
What a Savior died to win thee;
Child of heaven, shouldst thou repine?