I am not the most flexible person sometimes and this last year has been a lesson in how much I can bend. I joke about the car that never works when I need it and the results of an ill conceived plan. The thing is that every humbling moment and the many, many setbacks which frustrate every idea and hope feed a ball of discouragement which I can mock in full form. That mockery of myself at my worst moments tends to be what drives the content of my blog.
Don’t get me wrong. I love writing, but sometimes I think my life is a joke, cliche, banal, and a little forgotten.
I end up with horrible tunnel vision and all I see is the frustration of the day. The pessimism is only mitigated by a general knowledge that there is a purpose and I am in this place for a time.
And I’m supposed to have joy?
Joy – the knowledge that Christ’s plan is being worked through me and the contentment that this is enough.
I find myself asking and sometimes wondering if that is enough. Faith is painful. I have to trust that I am doing something worthwhile and not wasting my life, God’s life. I hate looking at the frustration that is sin and realizing that I don’t rely enough on Him.
After all, if I am God’s slave then He will place me exactly where He wants me. He may be preparing me for a future place, but He has me where he wants me. He does not want me in heaven just yet. He does not want me on the mission field. He does not want me on the campus of an Ivy League school overwhelming my professors and peers with apologetics and the truth.
He wants me here, in a small town, doing menial work that no one cares about, house sitting and doing tech support on the side, and worrying about the best way to repel bees.
The revelation of the day: I can have absolute joy in that.
Life is not about waiting for God to bring the next big difficulty. It is about using the time wisely, investing in an eternal purpose, and being faithful in the little things. And it is hard.
What prompted this long winded post after almost a week of silence?
In the last week I got over 5000 hits. This may not seem like very many, but my normal count is about 400. In the last few years I have written one good blog post. It is always getting more hits. This single post has accumulated more hits than the rest of my blog combined. This week 5038 people opened that post.
While getting great stats is nice, I realized that the contents of that post are life changing.
I’m no great evangelist, but everytime someone reads this post they read the gosspel.
Almost 10000 people have been exposed to the Gospel through that one post. Everyday someone reads it and that means that everyday at least one thing I have done is worthwhile.
Something I did mattered.
A past post written in haste is the most important thing I’ve ever written.
God gave me an Easter gift today beyond a celebration of his Son’s sacrifice and resurrection. He has used me to share that truth with out telling me.