We all reenergize in different ways. Some people go to movies, amusement parks, and just hang out with others. Others, like me, just want to be alone.
I get a good amount of alone time when I am at home, but I do not always use it purposefully and I either wear myself out more or just get sulky. Its a fault. I am not very good at balancing myself well, physically or occupationally. The phrases, “bit off more than I can chew” and “energizer bunny” have both been applied to me. I can go for months in a vicious circle involving work, school, and unrestful down time. What’s worse is the more productive I am, the worse I sleep. So, by appearances I could be living a very fruitful fulfilling life, but I will be almost the worst person to live with. Usually after four to six months of this I get pretty sick and stay in bed for days at a time.
I have had a lot of time alone lately and will for the next month. My primary concern was that I would become the sulky insufferable me that stays in bed for long periods of time. Next to that was a set of nerves that twinged over the idea of being a burden when my main goal was to be a help.
I have been here a week, well a week and a half by the time this is read, and its amazing. I am starting to relax and rest as I work. It almost feels like I am recovering from a long bout with exhaustion and business. I am not sitting around lazily or even reading all day like I would like to. I am slipping into a routine that doesn’t let me stress over deadlines. I am getting save to eight hours of sleep, eating healthy, enjoying some well earned Blue Bell ice cream, excercising, studying, writing, reading, playing piano, and enjoying extended quiet times. I am keeping the house clean, cooking healthy meals, and making sure my grandmother has what she needs. I am making a point, there is always something to do, but the flexibility I’m allowing myself is rejuvenating.
I spend hours a day on the porch studying while the mockingbirds trill. My thoughts drift while I watch the squirrels run up and down the trees. I actually learn more when I let my mind drift a little. This surprised me. After months of intense school I thought I knew how I learned best. I am learning to approach my day in a peaceful restful way.
Everyday I feel a little stronger and more rested, less rushed and frantic.
This is only a season of my life, but I think this principle is important to apply in every season and cycle of life.
Augustine wrote the famous line, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You.”
The phrase was originally in Latin, “inquietum est cor nostrum donec requiescat in te” and could also be translated, “disturbed are these hearts of ours, taking their rest while in You ”
The more popular translation flows better, but the second one reminds me of the path we are on. We wonder on and off, but the place where we are made full is constantly before and in Him. As sinners, we constantly lose sight of that fullness, but the only place we can be made full and rest in peace is in the presence of God.