I’ld be willing to bet that ninety percent of all fiction and at least all biographies and self help books have one theme in common. A journey for self improvement or self discovery. Whether it is Bruce Wayne’s training by the League of Shadows, Bilbo going on an adventure, or me trying to figure out how to knit without dropping a knot, every single one of those tasks has something in common. Changing who you were and progressing towards something better.
In those stories (and realities) it is often necessity or opportunity that drove us to start. Saving Gotham, getting the dwarves home back, and wanting to, finally, give your mom that scarf you’ve been working on for (cough) three years are admirable, but unless you’re Bilbo or Batman you may not be the most driven character. Or you may be like me, who worked on it for three years and then left the project in the hidden compartment of the car after a road trip and moved on to more important things.
I was given an opportunity this year to go take care of my grandmother. I was unsure of how I would grow, but after two days here I now know how I am going to grow. Lately, I have struggled with depression which in my case manifests itself to sleeping too much, not reading, not thinking, and typically just staring at the wall for long periods of time feeling stuck.
Here I have to be outside of myself. I have to think what is best for the wonderful woman I am taking care of. Because she is not difficult at all, I am learning to make my own habits. At home, I can be routinely chaotic and spontaneous, but here I have to make sure food and medications come on a punctual basis and keep everything picked up so that when friends, family and medical people stop by everything is ship shape. I am developing a habit of routine which involves exercise, writing, time with God, school and music.
Heading to Texas is part of my journey towards God-ward living, self-discovery in a way. I know there is more to learn and those discoveries will be more than I expect.