There is a popular song that goes, “Half of my heart has a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time…” I think that fits my frame of mind at the moment.
January was a month of stretching, bending, and breaking. God has shown me a lot about myself and not all of that was good. In fact I spent a good amount of time crying over the resentment, pride, selfishness, frustration, impatience, impertinence, and petulance I have developed over the past several months.
It was a challenging month. Saying good bye to my best friend again, doctors appointments, lack of progress in school, a minor car accident, people died, others got hurt, and disagreements in dad’s staff and work have been testing me in many areas. I have failed, but I can not and will not wallow in that and drag out the process for change through February.
I have been using all of these things as excuses.
Best friend leaving – reclusive and not working to develop other relationships
Lack of Progress – Apathy, laziness, and lack of self discipline
The rest – resentment, pride, and pride
Most of the issues are as simple as stop doing one thing and start doing another.
For me this meant spending time outside my sanctum, a lot of time.
For the last week I have tried to focus on serving and getting my heart attitude back to where it should be. I was able to serve my parents and sisters and give back to them a little of what they give to me on a daily basis.
I have learned to be flexible and work around the needs of others and not my own desires.
This month – No more excuses.
Plato said, “Know thyself.”
The more I know, the more I have to work on.